Some new stuff

I had my first real day of work today, it was relatively boring the register is monotonous and aside from being forced to do it very quickly due to every transaction being... graded... rather slow mentally. I also picked up some creatine today and started using it, so far no real effects though I was significantly more recovered after each set, that may just be psychological at this point. Something more important has actually started to draw my attention, there is a blond, who im slowly talking to more and more we'll see how that pans out. Any ways to sum up the day, School sucked, Work sucked, Work out was lovely, April was crazy, Trader joes.

Bitches and Mothers

So today was going fairly well my mother had forgotten to wash my karate uniform which is not a problem if when I ask her if she can on thursday she says no, or when I remind her on saturday she says no instead of replying yes both times and then not doing it. But whatever Aikido was good we had some lovely jazz music and got to see free form multiple oppenent sparing for the first time it was rediculous but fun. On the way home im going 70 behind this lady and there is an accident on the right, I only know it was an accident because I glanced over, well apparently this lady felt it was her god given right to decelerate to 40 mph in order to get a better look and as I return my eyes to the road I see what when your going 70 ammounts to a barely moving object, so I slam on the breaks and avoid hitting them, but then this person in the back has the gaul to glare at me as though I almost hit them.... I dont care what insurance companies say breaking for no reason is retarded and if there is kharma that gal is going to be looking back when a semi has to make a dead stop and WHAM. Oh well I try to get over it and focus on the music ect. As I pull up my street I see my mother and her boy friend leave, which is mildly upsetting since we were supposed to go to safeway so I could get some food for the week. Well when I called her she tells me shes going to Tacobell, which wouldn't be an issue if the place didn't make me sick as a dog everytime I eat it, so this translates into I need to get my own dinner. Then she asks what all I needed at safeway because all she got was powerbars... upon question I find she has gone to safeway and gotten nothing I needed, and this is after asking her yesterday morning if we could go to safeway this weekend to which she responded yes. So from this I come to the conclusion my mother is either a liar or does not know the meaning of the word yes, either way its not looking good. It's days like these that make me hate people.

"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will."-

Mahatma Gandhi

Gandhi said a lot good things and I think I intend to make this quote a staple of my life but I run into a problem. I do not have a specific codified set of values from which to found my will. I think this may in part be that I'm a teenager and that my core values have yet to solidify in any particular way. But even aside from that I need a cause something to make my driving goal, and when I look around these days I can find very few causes worth dying for and none worth living for. I don't know what strength means to me any more and maybe that is not important but there is still that hero thing I can't seem to get over. Curse you oh romantic youth, that you should twist my thoughts into idealized visions and grandiose plans.

Alone

Working out alone sucks. It is nice on occasion to go on a solo run or just hit the weights hard on your own but when you want to really get a good work out you need some one else there with you. Spotting is so vitally important in bench and a variety of other free weight things, not to mention that another person is useful for giving yourself a decent recovery time and pushing you to do that one last rep. Despite this draw back I am very actively attempting to get my bench back up and hopefully break 200 for 4 reps by February or so.
The real thing I realized today is how few friends I have left in Danville, and I'm debating whether I really want to bother to make an effort to meet new people when I plan on getting the hell out of dodge in the next year or two. There is also the issue with DVC that is the lack of intellect in the vast majority of people, there is as always some exception, but it took me 3 years to find the exceptions at San Ramon and half of those I fought with on and off until senior year when we all grew up or something. I should have gone off to real college so atleast I could meet people in the dorms.

Dentitst....

So I wonder am I the only person that finds it odd that you go into a dentist's office and sit down and you feel fine usually your teeth have not felt better in a long time and he/she tells you that there are all these issues that never seem to match the ammount of work you've been doing to clean your teeth. The dentist then proceeds to molest your mouth and generally cause you lots of pain and when you leave your teeth hurt your face is numb and you wonder what was wrong with your teeth in the first place..... Dentists get paid to much money to only work 4 days a week no weekends and generally just hurt people. This was nearly a total loss for humanity I must say, but between pineapple pork chops with applesauce on top, and Apple pie and Ice cream Nate's cooking pulled the fat out of the fire. But really screw dentists and the helping hand...

Humanity:5
Evil:0
Switzerland/Sweden:1
Me:-1

Hero

"The real hero is always a hero by mistake; he dreams of being an honest coward like everybody else."- Umberto Eco

I think of this quote on a regular basis. Why? Well because like most men before me being a hero is something I think I desire. Which is of course so very easy to say from the comfort of my computer desk with food cooking in the oven and the nice weather out. So I've realized that being a hero is tough not just achieving the status of hero but living it and if luck and skill are on your side surviving it. Some how though I find my self not discouraged in the least but rather encouraged by the fact that its going to be a rough ride, I would rather stand my ground to protect some one, even it means that I swap fates with them, than run and shake my head at how horrible things were. I have for some years now thought of a hero in one of two ways, I believe both are true but just different angles on the issue, there are the Trents and the Denises (Characters from the Emerald Eyes series by the way) those people that are such a force that events revolve around them and not the other way around as it does for normal folk; and then there is the Rauls those people who given extroardanry situations manage to do things that leave awe in the minds of the people around them. I suppose I think of a hero in the physical sense because im young but I do recognize the other kind of heroes, the Aenea's. That is the people who do things so great for large groups of people that their names are not remembered they are reveared. I have no aspirations to be the second kind that is not the type of thing that can be planned for or if it is than I know some how for certain that it is well beyond my reach. So when I look at the type of people I view as heroes I know I can not be a Trent or a Denise, I'm not the kind of person who makes everyone feel that things will be ok no matter what and I'm not nearly smart enough or any other of the millions of enoughs. With the impossibility of the first kind, and the unplanability of the third kind, im left only the second kind the Rauls. I feel like life is a big build up to some period of time where my skills and knowledge will be the difference between something big, and maybe not big on a world scale, a regional scale or even a neighborhood scale; maybe just a personal scale but that would be enough. I know I should be a content coward focus on school and make a good living but I would so much rather fight to the bitter end, even a defeat, for a cause that meant something. I hate being young and full of romaniticism it robs you of your higher mental functions at times.

Humanity:4

Evil:0

Sweden:1

Me:-1

There is of course the existential course of debate that I've yet to feel satisfied about, that is whether or not its ok not to be a hero, or try to be. Is it enough to be happy and make those around you happy ignoring possible potential for more? Or do we as people with our gifts have a duty to the world to do everything we are able to do. I don't honestly know but I figure with the prodigous death rate of heroes these days, at least I assume it must be high because I don't see many if any walking around, trying my best is all I can do if I should die in the process... well I'll be a bit to dead to notice.

"Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome." - Isaac Asimov

Heres to more than pleasant and a quick transition.

Worlds Enough and Time

So I was under the impression that not having a class in the middle of my day was going to be more of a burden than a blessing because I have to wait around and all that jazz. Well as I pull into the parking lot this morning I realize that I forgot my Gi pants and for my last class of the day. So I used my time and came home got some food my clothes and watched the daily show, all in all it was lovely. So thank you Misses Lundberg for going to a wedding its just what I needed today. Oh and god damn jujitsu hurt today, never been throw so much in my life.

Humanity:4
Evil:0
Sweden:1

By the by I dont even know who views this blasted thing but I'm looking for a serious running and or lifting partner, I'm thinking about 30 plus miles a week maybe and some pretty heavy lifting let me know if your interested.

Orientation

So... I had my work orientation today, I now work for Target as a sales floor person by the way, feel free to come visit I'll be glad to see a familiar face. Any ways it was pretty boring watched a film for 2 hours about very basic very boring things did not learn anything I did not already know except that you have to stand by a wet spill and watch it not leave to go get supplies... But yeah then we had a tour of the store and all that which was useful only in the parts that are employees only because I've already been to Target more than a few times and know the layout ect. Overall a waste of time, except that we got to count the 3.5 hours as clock time so I just made over $30 which is enough to barely cover the loss of my wallet... ALRIGHT... better than nothing. Oh and I was reminded how much I dislike high school kids, not that I ever liked them to begin with. For the day I think I'm gonna have to call it a neutral:

Humanity:3
Evil:0
Sweden:1

The DMV....

So in order to replace my drivers license I had to head to the DMV, like most people I do not enjoy this place one bit. So I go in and get my number and wait, the wait time says its about 12 minutes, so im guessing it will take about 25 minutes but in reality I waited more like 45 minutes and had to pay a rediculous fee, $22, but thankfully the fact that I have a California ID which expediate the process once I was called, god damn the DMV.

Working out and Missy Higgins to the rescue

I must say today did not turn out all that well, got an 89 on my first math test which is not bad but when I deserved a 95 its kinda bullshit. This tiny little russian man, who not only does not understand basic enlgish but also disagrees with the text book he chose for the class, has the gall to try and argue the meaning of specific wording of his grading rubric. Basically he has this little sheet of paper that says what he looked for in each question and apparently he didnt mean anything close to what was written but he tried to tell me thats what it said and then explain things to me that im 99% certain I should be explaining to him. I may not be the master of word meanings that Clinton is, but by god no one who can't properly conjugate a verb in english or use pronouns properly on a semi regular basis should be telling me what something says. What ever if there is kharma he'll be deported on some very minor technicallity in the writing and if there isn't well screw him. On top of this I was frustrated to find that I had forgotten to pack a book I needed to use through out the day to complete homework for a class in the afternoon, no I wasnt slacking its some reading that we discuss and its much easier to discuss if I read it that same morning, and after some consideration of driving home I decided to screw it and just get on with the day. So the only thing that saves my day was the gym even though I hadn't eaten enough and couldnt do some of my usual things at full intensity it was good for me and the perfect Missy Higgins song came on when I got into the car, Warm Whispers. So humanity owes Missy for this one:

Humanity:3
Evil:0

I've started to realize that I hate people, most of the people I hate anyways, on an intellectual level not an emotional one. Most of the people I hate are probably good people who mean well, but in the class room some one needs to either cut out their vocal chords or thoroughly lobotomize them because frankly enough is enough, everyone makes mistakes and misses the obvious from time to time no one is perfect, but come on this is college for christ sake. I don't think by any means I'm perfect or that im better on the whole than many people, but one of gifts happens to be my intellect and sometimes its insulting on a purely intellectual level the things these people say. Now I may sound arrogant but heres the thing, I am musically challenged, I dont know why I just am, and because of that I stay clear of advanced band courses and the like. I'm not a big built guy so I don't try to powerlift at the gym. Some things we just arent supposed to do, like take the higher level enlgish courses. I don't care what the placement test said, your not fit to be in this class and you should realize that fairly quickly. The point is though that out of the class room I can be friendly and cordial with these people, I can't say that I call any one that I view this way a friend but there is no animosity outside the class room. But please I like school, I like debating, don't ruin it with your babble, your racism, your xenophobia, your sexism, or your down right stupidity just don't say anything try listening for once and maybe after a few weeks you can make your first foray into the debate cautiously but succesfully. In the mean time, Shut Up.

Suprise Suprise

So having lost my wallet yesterday I was in a bit of a bind for cash since lazy banks are not open on Sunday and I have no atm card. The problem being that my mother is stingy and couldn't manage to loan me anything until I could get to the bank Tuesday and my having to get several places involving gas which im getting low on as well as the need to buy food and clothing for work. This had me a bit upset and low and behold I find Saturday's mail on the table with a letter to me from my Grandmother, on my fathers side, with a note saying she was thinking of me and a twenty dollar bill inside. Thus the loss of my wallet is made even less of an issue. On the down side my streak of people canceling on me is not really improving, I rushed my work out in order to meet up with a friend and when I call them on the way out of the gym I find out they won't be able to do anything; this is only a half hour after telling me to call them when I was done so we could hang out. It was a bit upsetting mostly because I wanted to get a complete work out and partially because this is a common thing with my friend. All in all aside from my failure to work out psychohistory, teleportation, hyperspace travel, or run a 42 second 400 meter dash the day went fairly well. The result of this day, being quite contrary to expectation, leaves the score:

Humanity: 2
Evil: 0

We'll see how long humanities lead lasts...

In light of a bad situation

So, today was rather frustrating in that I lost my wallet in the Newpark Mall. The wallet itself while not worthless was falling apart and certainly not a big loss, there was a grand total of a quarter worth of actual cash in the thing, my drivers license, my atm card, my student id cards, and several rewards cards, as well as my potential tattoo art which I think I will take as a sign not to get the tattoo. Thats the sum of the contents of my wallet, but its amazing how stressed loosing those things can make a person. Surprisingly enough aside from some wasted gas and minor inconviencing the lost items dont actually hurt me much, my interim drivers liscense paper doesnt expire for a week or so which means I drive while I wait for my new ID to come in the mail. The Atm card I had canceled within an hour of loosing the darn thing so no harm there. The Student ID card wasnt really even an issue except that I have library books out which means I can't express return or check out right now... boo hoo. So aside from the $11 worth of replacement fee's for the student id and atm card, probably $10 more for the liscense, the gas to get to the dmv, and the inconvience I think i made out pretty good in these crazy days of cyberfraud and indentity theft. Maybe some punk kid will go buy ciggarettes with my id.... I hope he/she gets lung cancer.
So on the bright side, While I frantically searched my path of travel several times I asked the various vendors and the people at the few stores I had been in if they had seen my wallet and left info with a couple of them. Now not only did the manager of the Spirit store take the time to talk to me shake my hand and take down a bunch of information but he said he would pass along the information to security for me, which I had already taken care of but thats unimportant. I was thoroughly impressed with this store manager and if I can figure out how I intend to send an email to the people in charge of the spirit store and appluad this guy. Another lady who saw me looking and I asked about the wallet at one point was working at this nick nack vendor and on my way out of the mall asked me if i'd had any luck finding my wallet, something that struck me as kind. So the moral of the story is that humanity scored its first points in my book in a very long time. In the flavor of optimism lets just start the score fresh and see how it turns out.

Humanity:1
Evil:0

Oh and the retard in the halloween costume advertising in some part of the mall doesnt know how close he/she was to having the shit beat out of them, I imagine at the time they atempted to get me to go visit the store in their pathetic vampire voice I had a red aura of anger and had I not been so sinlgle minded at that moment it would have been very bad for all parties involved.
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Football went over pretty smoothly today, though I can't say im a fan of all the new rules intended to make it easier for the "weekend athletes" felt a bit like being stripped of my advantage maybe next game the big guys wont be allowed to push to make up for their size advantage or something, it was a good game pretty close with some nice plays and not so many interceptions. Im still getting the feeling that despite being one of the fastest people out there and one of the most generally in shape, that is not intended as bragging in any way, I'm getting treated with a bit less respect due to my age. I dont really care if your 26, 30, or 40 you start calling into question my honor thats not right, I understand its a game and people get hot headed but at some point enough is enough. Oh, well whats done is done, but boy im sure not gonna be pulling any punches or slowing up one iota the next time im coming in to hit them.